so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
