She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
