I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
