They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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