i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
