Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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