I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
