The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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