i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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