He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
