perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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