you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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