It's like a parade of train wrecks.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When are your genitals available?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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