i used baking grease as lip gloss
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
