Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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