Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
