So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
