is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
