I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think I am morally bankrupt
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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