Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
