Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dignity is for republicans.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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