my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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