the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
