He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
