Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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