My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Randomize
