there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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