i just sent this text using only my big toe
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
