So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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