My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
