I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
