we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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