My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
