i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
