im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
