Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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