it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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