I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
