i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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