No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
