dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
