I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
