I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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