i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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