just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We had to coat check the pizza.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
