first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
