omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
this just has baby written all over it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
