my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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