the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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