i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
