I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
