How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
