We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
