don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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