no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
