I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize