...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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