Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize