Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't deserve a penis
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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