She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
