I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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