I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
