you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
