I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
