she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can you bring me the toilet please
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
