then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
