The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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