I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize