Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
