hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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