Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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