Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
