They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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