I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
