What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
