is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can I color on your dick again?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
